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I have come to realize that dating is just practice for divorce. You go through a series of relationships and breakups and then by the time you are in a marriage you already have a lot of experience under your belt and when things get tuff, it makes leaving that much easier. People think that premarital sex is the big marriage killer today, but while that may be true, I think the dating itself has to be partly to blame.
Second, I don't believe dating is the best way to find out if some is the person you are supposed to be with. When we enter into relationships we put on a good show, our best behavior. After marriage the real person comes out because we don't feel we need to work to keep them interested anymore. I believe a much more effective way of getting to know someone is to watch them live their life. How do they treat people around them? What are their priorities? Too often, inside a relationship, your priorities get put aside for the person you are with. While this is an admirable quality within a marriage it has no place in the life of someone just learning to become an adult. There is too precious, little time between now and real adulthood.
Lastly, dating is not biblical. Marriage has always been a very sacred institution set in place by God. I believe that if He would have thought it important to date before marriage, He would have included an example for us. He says instead that a woman is her fathers until he gives her hand in marriage to another man. Do I think this means forcing women into arranged marriages? No, I don't think any godly man would force his daughter to marry a man she didn't love. But I also don't think children should be allowed to make these decisions without recognition if the authority of the parents.
There was also no such thing as adolescence in the bible. All men were considered children until they came to a right of passage and became a man. There was no in between period of experimentation with manhood before the child was ready. God is wise. You don't let a baby play with fire. The bible says that youthful lust is more dangerous than satan. He says "stand against the wiles of the devil" (Eph 6:11) but "flee youthful lust" (2Tim 2:22).
My ideal for my boys regarding a relationship of this nature would be for us to forbid anything beyond friendship until we can recognize them as men. That they have the right priorities; they know what kind of woman they should be looking for, they are prepared to be a financial support and spiritual leader for her, and are willing to lay down their life for her as the bible says a husband should do. If these things are in place in their lives and they come to us about a woman, then they should have our permission to speak to the girl's father. If this father agrees then a plan should be set in place that they still not be alone together until their wedding night.
I know this all sounds extreme for today but Gods way is different than the world's way. It really wasn't that long ago that men and women courted in a large parlor with the girls father close by, shot gun in hand. Well, maybe not the shotgun part. Old fashioned courtship needs to be brought back to save our marriages. "Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16. There is a lot of wisdom in that verse.
I know it is our first inclination, in this modern day, to say a standard such as this is unrealistic but I believe saying that is to deny the power of God. We teach our children great things by adhering to Gods standard and letting them see the contrast between His holiness and the world's destructive nature. We will fail to measure up, but that doesn't mean we don't try.
